Before It's Over

We've (barely) survived the flu season here at the Barghelame house.

Nadia was on the cusp of pneumonia, bringing her school absence total to 16 for the year, and Izak still doesn't have his voice back... but we survived.

We were popping zinc, vitamin C, elderberry, and Quercitin like candy and finally set up a humidifier in Izak's room.

Of course if we'd just been better about all that BEFORE the flu hit, we probably would have escaped the whole disaster.

The same was true for much of Nadia's health over the last six months. Aside from the thyroid issue, much of it could have been avoided if I'd simply enforced the fundamentals better: more water, less sugar, take your vitamins.

Makes me ask the question I ask often actually - What am I going to look back on today and wish I'd done differently?

Stay with me. We're taking a turn.

When I finally became pregnant after many failed attempts, I excitedly told some friends. One of them happened to be an OB-GYN, and she scolded me for telling people so early.

I was only about seven weeks along.

"50% end badly" was her basic message.

Her intentions were well-meaning but I was crushed. I called my mom when I left their house to tell her what had just happened. She listened intently then wisely responded with, "Well! You're pregnant NOW so why not celebrate it while you ARE!?"

I'll never forget that excellent advice.

I'd included so many in my struggles to GET pregnant, I'd probably be seeking their comfort if I lost it, so why not let them celebrate with me while I was?

And why deprive myself of the FUN of finally being pregnant? Even if it was going to only be for a few weeks.

As it was, I didn't lose the baby.

And Izak is still worth celebrating.

Here's another example.

Recently I was struggling again with ruminating negative, disastrous, end-of-the-world scenarios at night. The kind that make you dread going to bed.

One night I was trying to logically talk myself out of it when I suddenly noticed the irony.

The conversation in my head went something like this:

"What if a nuclear bomb goes off?"

Well, then all this wonderful life I have right now would be over.

Gee. Won't that be tragic?

And that's when it hit me. Am I really ENJOYING what I have NOW while I have it?

If something catastrophic happened tomorrow and my life as I know it ended... would I have appreciated all that I had while I had it?

Side note: I looked it up the other night. What can I do about this negative spinning? Turns out it's not uncommon for women my age and knowing that oddly helped me relax about it. Apparently, I'm not the only one whose brain decides nighttime is a great time to rehearse worst-case scenarios.

Let's Prepare - the warm up

Now let me ask you something.

Am I the only mom who looks at babies or toddlers and feels a pang of longing for those days?

When my kids were tiny - just learning to talk and walk - when they needed me for everything and we were discovering the world together in such simple ways...

I wish I had savored those exhausting days more.

Everyone warned me.

Sometimes complete strangers in the grocery store would smile at my babies and say, "It goes so fast. Enjoy every minute."

Why didn't I listen?

It's hard when you're in the thick of it but I think of this even today.

Someday I'm going to miss the season that I'm in right now too.

It's exhausting in its own way - just with different hormone combinations.

Let's Work - the exercise

Here's one more example.

When Izak was born, I developed HELLP Syndrome. We spent five days in the hospital. I had had an emergency C-section, was moving slowly, and nursing was NOT going well. He got down to 5lbs 5oz.

Meanwhile, I was far too Type A to let laundry pile up or work wait.

So there I was: sleep deprived, stressed out, constipated, crabby... and then my refrigerator died.

I mean, it was one thing after another, and yet, I look back at that time with such fondness. Perhaps, it really was one of the BEST times of my life.

My first time being a mom.

No other children to care for.

Just one tiny human and a whole new world unfolding.

It was a season of challenge, discovery, and explosions of love that completely reshaped my life.

And now, here I sit in the silence of my home, while both kids are at school. If I'm lucky, I have about two and a half years left with this boy living at home full time.

Two and a half.

And that's if I'm lucky.

We are not guaranteed even TODAY, much less years.

So yes, prepare for the future. Drink the water. Take the vitamins. Save the money.

But don't get so busy preparing for life that you forget to live the one you already have.

Because one day - much sooner than you think - you'll look back at this exact season and realize...

These were the days.