The 4 Rules We Should All Follow

I first read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz years ago & I found 2 of the 4 rules especially profound. I was in sales at the time & I still am a sensitive female so guess which two I found to be most helpful?

The 4 Agreements are, in no particular order...

1. Always do your best.
2. Be impeccable with your word.
3. Do not assume.
4. Don't take things personally.

If I lived by these rules every day I would be a better mom. And encouraging my kids to embody these would help them in all areas of life as well.

Always do your best. Can we ask for anything more?

I watched Nadia's volleyball team lose a lot this season. I have no problem with it. They were all doing the best they could with the talent they had in that moment.

Sometimes your best is not enough, but if you continually do your best, you will get better.

I once asked my sister (who is truly THE BEST mom), "How do you do it?"

She looked at me plainly & said, "I just pretend like someone is always watching me."

😳

😬

Years later this obvious, simple statement still blows me away. 😂

If I were to think "someone is watching me" before I respond, I would probably be more impeccable with my word choices. 🙊

I need to use my words for good & remember the power they have. An opponent complimented me on my serve the other day on the tennis court & I dismissed her with a self-deprecating jab about how it could change at any moment.

Guess what.

It did.

I went from aces to double faults & I whole-heartedly blame my mouth speaking that kind of nonsense out into the world.

I need to speak more life into myself, my children & husband. Words of affirmation are good for anyone, even if it's not their love language.

But the last 2 REALLY hit me back when I first read the book & still today.

Let's Prepare - the warm up

When Izak was born my mom came to help out. I was a ball of stress, still trying to keep up with all the things (like laundry, dishes & my business) instead of just enjoying my new little bundle of cuteness.

After work, Ali would walk in the door after what was always a stressful day & casually, innocently ask, "So what'd you guys do today?"

In my hormonal, sleep-deprived, stressed out state, I would instantly flare in defense. 🤬 But my sweet mom would just calmly respond, "Ohhh, nothin."

She has always been such an excellent example to me of a woman with a healthy sense of self. She has NO ego. She had zero need to impress him with all we'd done.

I think taking things personally is one of the biggest downfalls of society. Too often, people assume a statement, opinion or action from someone else is meant as a personal insult.

Do not assume it had ANYTHING to do with you!

My sister Whitney shared this story with me years ago, when her daughter Macy was maybe 8.

Macy's dad (Whitney's husband) Nate was the principal of her school.

Do you ever assume the worst prior to your response?

I remember Izak playing once when he was young & he referred to the "black guys" as "the bad guys". I was instantly horrified but held my tongue long enough to realize he was referring to the color of clothes they were wearing.

Ali always jokes that if a woman looks like she has a basketball under her shirt & says with excitement, "I think my water just broke!" he would just offer to get her a new one. 🤣

It's the cardinal rule. NEVER assume a woman is pregnant.

The reason the "Do not assume" rule was so helpful for me back when I read this book is because I was in sales. If someone didn't call or text me back, I would be tempted to assume they weren't interested, they didn't like me, etc.

It's natural for many (moms) to assume our kids are being sassy. But what if they didn't hear you? What if THEY'VE had a bad day too?

This example is where I often have to remind myself to "Not take things personally."

If you ever catch yourself thinking, "How dare they..." you've taken something personally. It's our ego that gets offended. Not us.

Don Miguel Ruiz writes,

If I could just live by that alone, I would be better off.

We can choose to be offended, or not to be.

Let's Work - the exercise

Our family listened to The Four Agreements on a road trip to Santa Fe a few years ago.

It's been long enough I think I will bring it up again at dinner sometime soon. This is worth a family discussion at the very least.

But even if you don't read the book, just knowing what the 4 Agreements are, which one do you need to practice embracing? Can you identify one that would change a lot for you or your family?

I'd love to hear from you about this but if I don't, I won't take it personally. 😁